You are so tiny, Little One. I wasn’t expecting to hold you for another month, but you had other plans. You didn’t make me wait very long, and after about 24 anxious hours of light contractions and 1 hour of hard labor, I was holding the one person I love more than anything or anyone else on the face of this planet. 5lbs 5oz and 18 inches long. They only let me hold you for about 5 minutes before they had to take you because you were having breathing problems. I spent 4 hours pining for you, waiting to have you back in my arms where you belonged. Those poor hospital workers. I basically refused to put a shirt on the whole time I was there, because I couldn’t get enough skin to skin time with you.
We had breastfeeding issues, and I worried myself into crying fits. I felt like a failure, like an unfit mother. You seemed so hungry, and I only wanted you to be full and content. And once we finally got the hang of it, you and I, words cannot even express the lightness in my heart to hold you close and look into your eyes while you nursed. The closeness, the bond, that I feel with you gives me strength. You give me strength, Little Miss. You make me want to be better for you and for us. I love you so much, my little strong one. And you are so strong, rolling onto your side, trying to hold your head up already. When you were born, your cries were so weak from your lungs not really being fully developed. And now, only 2 weeks old, and you sound so strong when you cry. I can’t even be aggravated by your cries, because I’m so relieved you’re getting stronger.
I hope with all my heart that you retain this strength you’ve shown from the start. If you’re anything like me, you’re going to be willful and headstrong and independent. And I would die before I’d try to squash any of that in you. I don’t want to cage you as you grow, but I want to watch you flourish and thrive and really live. I will discipline you when you need it, because the world will not be kind and you must learn to listen. But, I will also always listen to you, and I will be both your mother and your friend. I want you to be able to talk to me, and I want to teach you to have a good, responsible head on your shoulders. My love of books, and art, and music are all things I wish to give to you. As you grow, I will find joy in the passion in your eyes and pride in all your accomplishments as well as your attempts, even if they don’t end in success, because I don’t want you to ever be afraid to try.
I really can’t tell you enough how much I love you, my beautiful, strong, amazing Little Miss. And I can’t wait to see the beautiful, strong, smart, amazing woman you grow into (But don’t grow too fast… i want to enjoy your childhood just as much as I want to make it enjoyable for you).