Folks, I’m not doing so well. The girl who always finds a way can’t find a way this time. And to be honest? I’m fucking scared.
When I found out I was pregnant, I quit being a stripper and instead found myself employed as a delivery driver at a Pizza Hut in a small town. If there’s anything I’ve learned from being a delivery driver, it is that I still mostly hate everyone.
This job hasn’t been easy on my car. Lots of wear and tear when you’re driving all over Hell and God’s Creation taking pizzas to people who were too lazy to go get the food themselves, or else didn’t want to waste the gas. So they waste my gas. And yes, I’m bitter. Because I’m trying to prepare for the arrival of my little girl in January, and I keep getting stiffed on tips. Not to mention that my tips are spent after I fill my gas tank and buy a few groceries so I can eat for another day or two. My checks go entirely into my bills, and I’m paid biweekly. And currently, everything around me is breaking down. My car, my air conditioner (which I thankfully don’t need now that autumn is upon us, so I can worry about it later), my washing machine, the carpet in front of my washing machine.
I got my check today. Opened it at work. And cried. Immediately started balling because I was scared. My check was only enough to cover my rent for the month and then I was $10 short of being able to pay my water. This check was also supposed to pay my car insurance, but thankfully I had lent my mother some money, so instead of making me pay it back, she’s going to just pay my car insurance for me (since my car and the insurance are in her name).
I’m unable to put any money back. Saving is just not something I can do right now with the limited funds I’m getting and the expenses I keep having to shell out for. And just when I thought I was doing okay, I got shoved back down in the mud. I’m 6 months pregnant at this point, and there’s no way I can find another job or even a part time job. No one will hire me this far into the pregnancy. And when I go on maternity leave, I won’t be making any money. I’m so overwhelmed by all this right now. And that’s when a friend suggested I put my pride aside and accept the help I have so much trouble accepting. So I have created a gofundme. I’m only trying to raise $1,000, so I can put it aside to live off of while I’m on maternity leave.
I keep wanting to tell people, “No, it’s okay! I’ll be fine! Don’t waste your money on me!”. But I know it won’t be alright, because my checks at work aren’t going to be getting any better. And it’s not just about me anymore. My daughter needs me to be able to provide for her, and I can’t get a better job or go back to school until after she’s born. Any little bit is so very much appreciated. And even if you can’t donate, sharing the link is very much appreciated as well.
I think this is another lesson in growing up for me. Putting my pride aside and knowing when to ask for help.